Idiots, Black Holes?
From Tractatus
Have you ever noticed that when you are in the presence of an idiot time seems to slow down. They take forever to get to a point, and you can never seem to get away.
Well, the latest research has provided us with an answer. The brain of an idiot is exceptionally dense. Due to this concentration of matter, small portions of the brain core undergo compression due to gravity. This additional compression forces, for small fractions of a picosecond, densities which allow the formation of pico-scale singularities, known popularly as 'Balck Holes.'
Recall that the lifetime of a Black Hole is inversely proportional to its mass, and the mass is equal to the amount of matter which formed the Black Hole minus the amount of mass radiated as energy. Simply put, small Black Holes 'burn up' almost instantly in a flash of energy. This energy flash is absorbed almost entirely by the dense matter of the Idiots brain, causing the Idiot to blurt out something random, or spasm in some strange way, or suddenly start doing something else. The specific effect depends on the region of the brain affected. You know the symptoms.
In addition, the presence of the strong gravity pulses generated by the formation, and destruction of these pico black holes creates the time distortion we are so familiar with. Time really does pass more slowly, because the gravity pulse warps space-time. The conversation seems to last forever.
Science, having revealed this truth, goes one step further: It presents us with a warning. When the gravity pulse passes through an otherwise healthy brain, it compresses it. This additional compression can result in the formation of a Black Hole within the healthy brain. When this hole in turn decays(naturally it is smaller, and decays faster than the original), the gravity pulse is concentrated in the healthy brain. This compression increases the density of the healthy brain, and can lead to many of the early symptoms of Idiocy.
In order to avoid this fate, it is important to remain at least 50 feet from anyone evidencing sign of being an Idiot. If more than one idiot is present, then 50 feet per Idiot in the group is advisable. If you follow these simple precautions, the disease can be avoided, and the spread of this threat contained. There is no known cure.